For Laci

If you know me a little bit there are a few things that may have noticed: #1 is when I learn about something new or I’m really interested on something is almost like an obsession. I read about it – I buy it – I research – I want to know everything I possibly can! Hmmm, for example in 8th or 9th grade I learned about JFK, so I read read read about the guy, got as many movies that were out there about him, cut pictures of him from magazines, I told all my friends about the guy, who he was, what he has done and what happened to him, I wrote into my agenda pages and pages about things that I thought were important to me... For a couple of months all I could do was talk about JFK. Maybe not as much as I was in 8th grade, I don’t do all that, but I do turn lots of things into to some sort of obsession very easily.

Another thing you may have noticed is how much I like dragonflies. I find them the most beautiful insect, and I happen to collect quite a few items with dragonflies on it all throughout my house. Also, you sure do know if you are reading this post that I (online) call myself “browneyedmom” and I sure love the song Brown Eyed Girl, It is “my song” on my Orkut, MySpace profiles and it was on my blog for a couple of years.
Well these 3 things are just little things that I want you to know, if you didn’t already, before I write what I’m feeling now…

So – the beginning was:
Back in October my friend SR was looking at some pictures of me when I was about 22, 23 yrs old. She said: “Girl, Your smile, your long brown hair it so remind me of Laci Peterson”

Me: Who is she?

SR: You don’t know? She was the woman who was tragically murdered by her husband when she was almost 8 months pregnant back in 2002; were you living in the US then?
After a few minutes trying to explain me who she was SR said she was gonna get me the book, to read up about Laci Peterson. I said ok but didn’t really care for it.
I was already in the US back in 2002, that year, in April I moved to Cincinnati, but I was single, with very little English and didn’t watch the news. I wanted to have fun and enjoy every minute of the time I had (I didn’t know that Cincinnati was going to become my “home” soon). I got married soon after that, worked a lot, didn’t really get any interested on news and what was going on in our country until late 2004… That was when I started reading newspapers, watching the news and getting to know what was happening all over the world. – So I did not know about Laci Peterson.

A few weeks went by and I went to SR’s house for he kids to have a play date when I noticed the book on the table “For Laci” by Sharon Rocha, but at that time I didn’t remembered about my previous conversation with SR about that book, but I did was about it because the writer’s last name was “Rocha” and the book was in English so I thought that maybe that was a Brazilian girl who wrote a book in English or it got translated. That was when SR said:

“No girl, her name is Rocha because her dad was from Portugal, but this is the book I was telling you about it, it’s here for you! I want you to see Laci Peterson…”
She opened the book into the pictures page while she again talked about how much my smile reminded her of Laci, as if “Laci” was someone she knew personally.

“It’s your smile, your constant smile and positivism, your long brunet hair – it just reminds me of Laci” SR Said.

I brought the book home, at some point I read the first page and never touched it again until a couple weeks ago. After I got in Brasil and things were calm and settle at my parent’s house I started on that book. I love reading and even though that would not be my first choice I read it.
Before I was half away into the book I wished I was aware of it all back in 2002, when it all happened. And the more I read the more I liked “Laci”. I read tons of things about her, every article I could find online, saw all the pictures, and got to know so much about her.
It got me bad when I read that one of her favorite song was “brown eyed girl” and that was played on her funeral – and that she was also in love with dragonflies like me! =)

And I’m 27 years old now, she was 27 yrs old when she was gone, and she was carrying her first child – that she wanted so bad… I feel her feelings when I read about it because I always felt like I was born to be a mother. I always looked forward the day I would get married – always looked forward the day I would become a mother.
She was an average girl – married to a perfect man - living a pretty good life! Until something horrible happened to her. Like many of us…

She was reported missing on x-mas eve, I read it just a few days before x-mas eve - and that night as we were driving to Guga’s house for x-mas eve dinner all I could think was “imagine now; we getting a phone call that one of our love ones – one of our kids – anyone we care about and love – is missing?” And I started thinking about Laci’s family and all that they being trough. And I was thinking how horrifying it was when my friend’s daughter disappeared, R, and she was gone for like a month! …and how thankful we were that she came back safely.
This whole thing really got me so touched somehow, I’m not sure if it’s after R went missing I want to do something to help families that are going through hard times looking for their loved ones.

I really don’t believe in any spirits like it was mentioned in her mom’s book – many times they talked about a dragonfly or a lady bug “being Laci” – but a couple of days ago I was at my family’s farm fishing with the boys and 2 dragonflies landed on my fishing poll. One big and orange and right behind her a little blue one, I don’t think they were Laci & baby Conner but I sure thought about them! I didn’t make it to my camera and back without making them fl away, but soon after that I got a shoot of the little blue dragonfly.
I love dragonfly and I’ll continue to collect things with their prints on it, but I don’t think I’ll look at one again and not think about Laci.