So - we are moving and I'm going NUTS!

So, let tell ya, I’m freaking out. It’s freaking 3 in the morning, I being awake to whole night even though I had a exhausting day and my body it’s tired.

I’m so overwhelmed with the moving. Good thing I lost my contact lenses because my glasses king of hide my swollen eyes from crying for 3 days. I didn’t want to post here because my mom reads this blog, but what the heck? I just won’t do this part of this post in Portuguese, that is all.

The new house is ok, there are good and bad things, and that is ALWAYS gonna happen if you compare something, and I know no place it’s perfect. I love the location, it’s just the best place to be (specially with gas prices so high, we’ll be in the middle of everything) Mason has great schools in case we decided not to homeschool, at the same time the kids will not have nearly as much freedom as they have here, they can play in the front and back yard so freely because it’s a calm neighborhood, no traffic expect people that leaves here and drive slow… and man – there’s so much space and so many friends.

I love love love our neighbors, I feel like I’m among family here, Ben has so many friends, Noah has friends… Dan – Me! Good friends. – so close!

I never thought I was even gonna say this but I’m AFRAID of making new friends at this new place – I’m afraid I’m not gonna like it, I’m not gonna be nice… I’m not gonna be ok.

I trust God, I trust His plans – I REALLY do, and I’m sure we are gonna be fine, we are still gonna be happy, a family full of love, but as off right now I’m hyperventilating!!!!

The new house has many positive things; it has more bedrooms, more bathrooms, the basement it’s nicer, and it’s a great price!!! What can beat that? The owner was so nice, he did everything we asked, the backyard fence, he even got as a box of BAKALAV!!! ( I now it’s because the market it’s horrible) but still!!!

And all I can think of it’s the “bad thing” the downs… what we are loosing, what is missing…

I literally gained 10 pounds this past 2 week – TEN POUNDS! My face has more zits than a teenager; I can’t sleep – I being a negative and petty person and that just feel like I’m out of my skin! This is not who I’m.

I always look at the good things, at the blessings!!! Always turn out to the positive.

I being looking for comfort where there’s not! I eat, and eat and eat. I want to sleep all day, Iw ant me time, go out and find a job, or go back to school… Here I being such a disconnected mother to my boys this past couple of days and here I’m thinking of having another baby – for MY comfort only – how selfish!!!

And why am I so angry at God right now? I have NO reason for it.

If I know He has a plane, He is with us on this as He has given us confirmations – daily,. And we are healthy, happy (ykwim), we have everything we need and way more… and we have NO reason to complain! I know He is with me but I the same time I feel as He let me know – and I dare myself so say something like that!!!

I want my mom! I want my mom to hold me! To tell me everything it’s gonna be ok!!!

I’m done complaining. It’s 5 am and I’m getting so tired… the boys will be up soon, and I’ll have a long day….

_________________

Entao,

Nos vamos mudar, ne? Ja assinamos a papelada e se Deus quiser em julho nos mudamos. Eu estou uma pilha de nervos. O bairro eh bom, mas eu nao estou bem. So nao consigo ficar em paz com essa casa.


A casa eh o mesmo tamnho da nossa casa agora, mas em diferente distribuicao, entao nossos moveis mesmo nao vao caber la. Muitas diferencas, coisas boas e coisas ruins… mas eh claro que agora eu so consigo concentrar nas ruins.!
Eu sei que Deus tem um plano, e que eh o melhor para nos, mas mesmo assim estou “triste” com os planos d’Ele. Eu quero ficar em paz e confiar no Senhor. Nao temos NENHUMA motivo para reclamar. Temos saude, amor - uma familia perfeita! E eu me sinto muito mal de reclamar… pois sou muito abencoada e ao memso tempo estou super pra baixo com isso tudo.
O dono tem sido um amor, mandou colocar a grade no jardim como pedimos, ate comprou uma caixa de bakalavas para nos! Acredita? Sei que o Mercado esta ruim mas mesmo assim… ele tem sido muito joia desde o comeco!

Foi tudo muito rapido e muitas mudancas… eu estou super anciosa e nervosa… estou totalmente desconectada da minha familia, dos meninos e do Dan. So quero comer, dorimir… nao consigo me concentrar em nada!

Manheeeeeeeee – eu quero colooo!!!!

So it's raining again

I’m not sure why I’m so frustrated since I got here, I guess its because everything is being going on a diferent direction then what I expected – That is why we should have none… I got to remember this next time.

My dad is not doing very well, he is having way too many reactions from the chemo… he has so many sores in his mouth he cant eat – he is weak and barelly enjoyed the boys since we got here.


His cold freaks me out since his lungs are so debilitated…

My mom is always in function of someone or something else – she is great with the boys, always feedinthis house is g, bathing or changing them… She is also like amaid here…. serving and cleaning after people. This place is always full…

Claudia really upsets me – she thinks I have no consideration and I think the same about her. We being here for 4 days now and the house its being full everyday. I understand she wants to hang out with her boyfriend and Im totally ok with that, but all I seing so far is a very selfish person that has no consideration to anyone. Our parents – I mean forget about it…. if its not convinient for her she wont listen to them, and this is just really sad because I guess its the way she is and I never wanted to see it. She is generous – very much so. I mean she would undress herself to dress someone else – when I talk about selfish its beyond that matter…

Its not about material things – but things we do – or dont do in this case.

I really want some quiet time – let the boys have some time alone with my mom & dad – let them bond a little! Everytime my dad wants to do something with Benjamin there is always someone else involved!

Its freaking cold here – I have not seing any sun – and when we were getting ready to come here all people talked about was how hot and nice was in Brasil. Well, that is no true

Its cold and grey – and I miss my love… and I just had to vent a little…