Today I found out that my dad lost his job. My mom new about this since last Friday but never told me “not to make me nervous”
After looking for something for a long long time he got a very cool opportunity as a supervisor, doing what he did 25 years of his life… August 1st he completed his 3rd month (experience time kind of thing) and he got dismissed because he wasn’t able to keep up. He was ok with it, it really was a lot of work to do, a lot of traveling and he was stressed out but also now there’s only 1 income again (my mom’s). Besides the company gave him a car and a cell phone that the took it away… (of course) I mean - 3 mos. it’s enough to get you “comfortable” with this kind of stuff so I’m sure it’ll be a little hard on him…
Than I thought “Oh, it’s ok, he’ll get by – thank God he is healthy strong man and have a very good sense of humor, this won’t affect him”
Like is that wasn’t bad news enough he had some tests done today because of his consistent heartburn and guess what? He needs colon surgery! ASAP!!!
They haven’t said why and how bad it’s, he’ll find this out tomorrow (hopefully – that’s what he said) but all I can think of is cancer. How can I F***ing know if there isn’t more to it but they are just not telling me because they don’t want to make me worried!
I can’t freaking get into a plan, I’m 38 weeks pregnant which is *not* a good thing because it makes me mad for being pregnant and makes mad at the baby who (poor little thing) doesn’t have anything to do with it!
I’m so sad, so nervous. I just can’t stop crying for over 2 hours, I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to talk to anyone… I can’t even control myself. I have being so inpatient. Poor Benji, Dan & Claudia. I was already feeling like crap, feeling I haven’t done a good job as a mom for the past 3 days, and my marriage that was so awesome had broken down in the past week because of my F***ing self & now with all these bad news…
What am I still doing in the freaking place? Why can’t I be close to them now? Why I wasn’t there earlier?
How could I prevent my parents to spend time with my son? Watch him grow!
I’m so mad – I’m so angry. Very angry!
I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight, and it doesn’t matter what anyone says. It doesn’t help – It doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m angry. Every minute more and more angry and I can’t control it.
There’s just so much going thru my head right now…
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