Not a very pleasent conversation

I wonder if Benjamin heard us talking about death lately (see post bellow, Derek's brother passed last Friday) because today early in the morning he turned to me and asked:


B: So mom - how old you have to be before you can die?

Me still kinda of like “what?” just said: Well like when we are 90 years old sounds like a good age to me!

B: How about 97?

M: 97 Sounds even better to me!

B: Mammy – who will take care of us if you and daddy die?

This really made me uncomfortable because Dan & I had being talking about that for the past 2 weeks (never in front of him anyways) so I started wondering very paranoid “OMG where did he get that? Is it really gonna happen?”
I answered: Uncle Mike and Tia Claudia can take care of you and there's always Vovo Fatima if you want to be with her.
Well before I said anything else – and the next thing I was gonna ask as “why are you asking?” he answered my question:

“Daddy will be the first one to die”

trying not to sound panicky or something like that I asked: Really? Why do you say that?

And his very simple and full of sense answer came:

“Because remember how your dad die before your mom? So this is how is supposed to be and dad was born before you so he will die earlier!”and out of blue he popped a request

“Can I watch the video of me being born? Like now?”

OK! I was like very impressed with this conversation, it just happened as I was here reading my e-mails and catching up with the bills. I didn't play his birth video – I just kinda of changed the subject because I think I'm done talking about life and death for the rest of the day!
I guess he talked about it because Dan & I being talking a lot about what will happen to he kids or let me re-phrase it – what we want for it to happen to the kids in case we are both gone and then you listen something this strong from your 4 year old! A little too much for me lol

I must work on a will fast so I can rest in peace – not meaning die, just sleeping at night! =oP

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Uma conversa nao muito agradavel!


Eu fico pensando se o Benjamin ouviu eu e o Daniel falarmos de morte esses dias (depois da morte do irmao do eu cunhado) porque hj cedinho, logo depois que ele acordou ele veio com esse papo”

B: “Mae, quantos anos vc tem que ter para morrer?”
Eu ainda muito surpresa e chocada respondi “Ah filho, ficar velhinho assim com uns 90 anos”

E ele perguntou: “Que tal 97?”
Eu: “Melhor ainda!”

B: Mae quam vai cuidar de nos se vc e o papai morrerem?”
Ai eu fiquei chocada porque eu tenho falado muito nesse assunto com o Daniel porque aqui nos EUA se vc nao tem em escrito instrucoes as criancas vao para um orfanato ate tudo se acertar, e meus maior medo eh que aconteca alguma coisa e o governo nao deixe meusfilhos com a familia!! Eu respondi ao Benjamin que o Tio Mike e a Tia Claudia iam cuidar dele em caso alguma coisa acontecesse e que se ele quisesse ele poderia tambem ficar com a Vovo Fatima. Mas que ele nao se preocupasse porque nao ia acontecer nada. E antes que eu pudesse perguntar de onde ele tirou essas perguntas ele mesmo respondeu quando disse:

B: :”Porque eu sei que o papai vai morrer primeiro, ne?”

E eu tantando nao mostrar o panico ja perguntei: “ Eh mesmo? Como voce sabe?”

E ele respondeu ja me acalmando hehe “Ah porque o seu pai morreu primeiro do que a sua mae, entao o meu pai tbm vai morrer primeiro, e tambem porque o papai eh mais velho o que vc ne”

Ate respirei aliviada! Era so um processo mesmo, uima linha de pensamento do Benjamin! E ele me pede do nada: “Mamae, podemos assistir a fita do meu nascimento”

Distri ele e nao assistimos nada – so fiquei pensando que se eu quiser ir dormir em paz, dizendo dormir mesmo, nao morrer _ preciso urgentemente cuidar da papelada com as nossas recomendacoes. Ate porque nunca sabemos o dia de amanha!